Third Time's A Charm

Well, hello there.  Remember me?  It's been almost 2 years since I logged into the good ol' blog.  What brings me back you ask?  Well, I'm gonna tell ya…

I got stuck in a bridesmaid dress.  Yep, you read that right.  I went to try on bridesmaid dresses for my brother's wedding and the "sample" dresses were all something like a size 4.  I took one look at them and the lady helping us and thought, you have got to be fucking kidding me.  She was sure we could just clip them shut.  Ok bridal shop lady.  I'll play along. I thought I'd at least be able to get it on.  No such luck.  I got it over my head.  When it came to getting my arms through the straps I encountered a problem.  I was stuck.  I had to have my mom come in and help pull that damn thing on.  There was a very real possibility that we were going to have to cut me out of the dress or it was going to be ripped to shreds in the style of an Incredible Hulk transformation.  Except instead of turning green I would be red with embarrassment.  I have never been more humiliated in my life.

So that night i logged into my Lifetime Fitness account and signed up for the commitment day 5k that was held at my club on New Years Day.  I skipped out on the invite I received for a NYE party and went to bed early.  It was 20 degrees that morning.  I got up, bundled up, and went over to register.  I asked if they were going to have a separate start for runners and walkers and was told it was a run only.  Strike 2.  I knew I couldn't run even 20 seconds of the race let alone 30 minutes.  Defeated, I went to my car and cried for a good 15 minutes.  I pulled it together and went inside and jumped on a treadmill.  I decided that at least I would walk a 5k on the treadmill.  It was the least I could do.  It was a slow, depressing walk that's for sure.  I went home afterwards and spent most of the day cuddled up with my dog feeling sorry for myself.

It really hit me a few months back.  I had to get a new primary care physician.  One of the many joys of moving so frequently is you don't establish any sort of relationship with a health care provider.  The first thing he said--and I mean THE FIRST thing he said -- was "we need to get you a referral to the bariatric surgeon."  Um, what?  Seriously?  It's that bad??  How about maybe introduce yourself and talk to me for 5 minutes before suggesting we mutilate my stomach, k?  Just an idea.  Asshole.  Then, he seemed shocked that I completely objected.  Since I was against cutting my stomach up and going through with a procedure that may or may not work, not to mention all the complications that come along with it, he decided to just write me a prescription for diet pills instead.  No thanks, dickhead.  If you can't tell, I wasn't impressed with this guy.  He didn't once suggest a nutritionist, exercise, or lifestyle modification.  Let's just chop your fucking stomach up.  Good call, jackass.  Someone please take away his medical license.

I decided I was going to sign up for the 90 Day Challenge at the gym.  Enrollment was only $25 bucks.  I've definitely invested higher amounts on much loftier goals that never saw any sort of action.  Like that 1/2 Marathon I ended up attending as a volunteer because I hadn't even been able to work my way up to a 5k.  So yesterday, I met with a trainer and had my initial weigh in.  346.6 lbs.  Yep.  You read that right.  I haven't decided yet if I'm even going to post this entry because I never ever in a million years wanted anyone to ever know what I really weigh in at.  I sat down and visited with Danielle, the trainer who set up my enrollment.  I guess I have been a lot more bothered by the whole thing than I thought because at one point I just started bawling.  I'm not a big crier, but this is clearly a touchy subject that I didn't realize was so touchy until I talked with her today.  So here I go again.  90 days.  The goal is 30 pounds.  Seems realistic.  Hopefully, I can stick with it this time.  I'm awesome at starting things.  Not so awesome at finishing them.  Wish me luck.  If you are reading along, please leave some encouragement.  Thanks Jen for the pep talk tonight.  I'm going to hold you to our 5k plan for later.  Love ya.