Week Eight

Eight weeks down, eight weeks to go.  Half way there, but feeling further away than ever.  This may be a little TMI for some of you, so be warned.

Having a sister that is a nurse and a brother that is a pharmacist makes me think I too am a medically trained professional.  I have a habit of diagnosing myself with all kinds of illnesses some of which include pertussis, H1N1, clostridium difficile, anemia, and solar dermatitis just to name a few.  I even diagnosed one of my co-workers the other day.  I was even correct with that one!  Who needs a medical degree?  With Google, I can do anything.  So anyway, last week I was not feeling good at all.  All things were pointing to a UTI so I grabbed some cranberry juice and started pushing lots of fluids determined to flush out whatever was bugging me.  Well, that didn't work.  Starting Tuesday night I had extreme back pain to go with it.

At first I thought the back pain was from working out.  I had a pretty tough training session that evening so I thought the back ache was from that.  I have a pretty strong threshold for pain, but when it wakes me up out of a heavy sleep I know it's bad.  I popped a couple Advil, grabbed my heating pad, and laid back down.  I took my temperature, but no fever so I went back to bed.  This went on the next night as well.  Since I didn't have a primary care physician I consulted my other medical team: my siblings.  Meagan works the night shift which is great on nights when  I can't sleep!  It's nice to be able to text for help.  She said I better get to a doctor.  One of my coworkers called her doctor and spoke to him personally, I guess she has known him forever, and asked if he could take a look at me.  So I went in and had some lab work done and sure enough I have a "severe" ascending UTI.  Finally!  A correct self diagnosis!!  Infection=Antibiotics.  Uh oh.

I have been very fortunate with my health.  In the past 10 years I can only think of 3 times that I have had to take an antibiotic.  One of those times was when I was certain I had c.diff as a result of those antibiotics.  I do not react well to antibiotics.  I am lucky enough to get the most unpleasant of the side effects.  Side effects that make running, jogging, lifting weights, or any other movement risky to say the least.  As a result my workouts really suffered.  I did make it to the gym, but my workouts were not what they needed to be.  They were probably some of the lightest to date.  I also had to scrap one of my training sessions last week.  That's not good for the routine.  Not good at all.

While I was visiting the doctor the other day he asked me the dreaded question that I have been asked in every doctors appointment for the last 5 years: What are you doing about your weight?  I fight back tears every time I get this question.  Let's see, what haven't I tried?  I have tried Weight Watchers three times and failed three times.  I have tried The South Beach Diet only to find that a life without carbs is no life I want to lead.  I have tried prescription phentermine and similar over-the-counter stimulants that not only make me want to climb the walls, but are also a really bad idea for people with generalized anxiety like myself, unless of course you are looking for the mother of all panic attacks that will keep you from living like a normal human being for at least a week.  Let's see Doc, what am I doing about my weight?  Let's talk about that.

For starters, I signed up for a 1/2 marathon that I have absolutely no chance of finishing at this point.  I am going to the gym 6 days a week and spending every extra penny I have on personal training and a gym membership.  I am not enjoying the foods  I love.  I am becoming accustomed to sore muscles and achy feet.  I am doing my best to eat a balanced diet.  I am not drinking diet coke, or any other soda for that matter.  I am not drinking alcohol.  I truly miss enjoying a cold beer at the end of a long day at work.  I am spending half of each lunch break walking laps in the parking lot or making a mad dash home because I forgot my gym bag and I know that if I don't go to the gym straight from work the chances of me getting there that day decrease by at least 95%.  I am making sure that at least 80% of the items in my grocery cart are fruits and veggies.  I have been doing this for eight weeks.  Oh yeah doc, and did I mention I haven't lost a single pound?  Not more than 1 inch?  Please, remind me again that I need to whittle away at my BMI, because I had no idea that I am tipping the scale more than 100 pounds higher that I should be.  I don't know if he was ready for my sarcastic, angry response to his question.

My appointment wasn't all bad.  It was actually kinda of reassuring.  Dr. Small said he wasn't surprised to hear that I have not lost any weight yet.  This is something my brother has tried to drive into my head as well.  In my mind, every time I get on the treadmill I am burning at least 900 calories, when in reality I am not moving very fast or very far.  He was happy to hear that I have established a healthier routine. He wanted to do a follow up in 6 months just to see how it is going.  He said if I haven't lost at least 25 pounds by August then we should do some lab work and look into a referral to a bariatric specialist.  Bariatric Specialist?  I think that might have been a scary enough suggestion to amp up this workout routine.

So this week my news is less about my progress and more about the discouraging things that hold me back.  I know that 8 weeks isn't nearly enough time to turn around 10 years of bad habits.  I know that it's harder to make good choices than convenient choices when it comes to exercise and diet.  I know all those sensible things, but I wish it wasn't so damn hard!

Lessons learned:

1.  Sticking with it is MORE than half the battle in my case.  It's the entire battle.
2.  Acid reflux sucks and Advil makes it worse.
3.  Confidence definitely comes in waves with this thing.  8 weeks ago I was ready to kick this races ass.  8 weeks to go and I am ready to throw in the towel.